Thunder and Lightening, Oooooo So Frightening

What the hell was that last night? I felt like I was waking up the the apocolypse! Growing up in Missouri I am not one to be afraid of storms or tornadoes either one. After the tradegies in Joplin and Sedalia I have a new found respect for severe weather. So last night when I woke up to what I thought was my windows being blown out I paid attention. Soon after I jumped out of bed to see what was exactly happening the power went out, then the panic set in. I couldn't see anything but by flash of lightening and what I was seeing was not settling too well. The wind was so fierce that I thought for sure I was in a tornado. It wasn't a few seconds for Darin to be right behind me peering out the window, and another few seconds for us to decide that our asses are going to the basement. Thank God for Android phones to light our way with the flashlight app. We rounded up our girls and down the stairs we went. Of course I'm keeping a brave face for my girls, because with the first sign of my fear I knew they would have mental breakdowns. But not Ava, she slept through the whole thing. So after 50 or so "what's going ons" later we made it to the basement safe and sound.

We had no power, no lights, no radio and Darin was hunting feverishly for a flashlight and some candles. The light from the candles was somewhat comforting and it wasn't long before I realized I was more afraid than my children. Ava was still sound asleep in my arms, and Zoie and Sofia were chatting away about tornadoes and how they were going to blow our house away. Outside mother nature was still beating the crap out of our house and then it hit me. Sofia's brand new trampoline was in the backyard that she had gotten for her birthday. I looked at Darin and said, "the trampoline is gone!" I couldn't imagine how anything would be left in the yard after this storm.

Once the storm died down we decided to head back up to bed by candle light, and surprisingly enough all the girls went right back down with no issues. I wish I could have said the same about myself. I laid they and tossed and turned as the thunder rolled and the only light still was the flashes of lightening outside. I was worried that my cellphone alarm wouldn't wake me up in a few hours, I was worried that the sirens for a tornado would go off and I wouldn't hear them, and I was worried that there was damage outside that I didn't not want to see in the light of day.

Considering I get up at 5:30am to get ready for my daycare kids I only had a few short hours before I had to be up anyway and then my mind started racing again. How was I going to watch my kids with no electricity? No lights, no stove, and no air conditioning. So this basically what consisted of the rest of my night.

When I did get up and picked my clothes out by flashlight, the tornado sirens started going off. Great! Now what! Was this for real, or just a false alarm? I peeked outside and it appeared to me to be a false alarm and soon after the power was restored. Thank God, cause I didn't want to take a shower in the dark. Then as daylight slowly crept in we could assess the damage. Trees down, limbs in the yard, and our trampoline was ok. It was in the neighbors yard but appeared to be fine. From reports that I have heard I think we are one of the lucky ones. There are several people who don't have power, Zoie's best friends trampoline didn't fair as well as ours, and one of my daycare moms said her neighbor had a tree in his car. So happy Monday everyone, surely this day will only get better from here.

Welcome to My New Normal

Well back to life as I know it is taking some getting used to. After six months out of the game I was ready to get back to life and take it by the horns. I just started my second week as a childcare provided and it is going great so far. The only bump I seem to be experiencing is Sofia adapting. She was first used to having Mommy all to herself and then she had to get used to having Ava at home. Then a few weeks later she is having to get used to having to share her Mommy with other kids and she is struggling. I'm sure she will get used to it, I just hope it's sooner than later. We are all having a great time though. It's so nice and I'm so fortunate to be able to stay home with my kids, especially with my little baby Ava. I'm not real sure I could leave her with anyone if I did go back to work. Since she is my last I want to make sure I don't miss a moment.

I guess I figured getting to stay home on a daily basis would give me more time to get stuff down around the house. Boy was I wrong. I am more busy now than I was with a full time job. I would trade it for the world though. I still get a few moments of silence between keeping the peace, serving meals, and wiping noses. Oh and don't forget changing diapers that's right in there too. All I have to say is thank goodness for nap time. Now if only adults had a daily nap time, then life would be perfect.

The Eleazarraraz family got to enjoy a mini vacation before my life returned to a new normal. We went to St. Louis and went to the Zoo, Grants Farm and the Science Center. The girls loved it. It was a great getaway and I would recommend it to any family. It's a pretty cheap way to have a good time. We picniced in Forest Park the day we went to the Zoo and the girls thought that was pretty cool, but not as cool as the carriage ride we took downtown after eating at the Old Spaghetti Factory. The horse the led our carriage was named Scooby Doo and had purple sparkly nail polish. The girls just thought that was it. But with all the fun things we had planned and saw all the girls could talk about was the pool at the hotel. Unfortunately the pool just opened the day before we got there and it was freezing cold. I don't do well with cold water. Needless to say my foot is the only thing that got in the water this vacation.

But most of all I'm so excited to spend my summer with my family. I'm already enjoying having my weekends free to spend with my kids and of course Darin. We can go see family or go to the lake, or whatever we want to do and I don't have to worry about missing out on anything. That has got to be one of the greatest gifts in life. To get to see my kids grow up and enjoy their lives is so important to me, and I'm going to cherish every minute of it. So stayed tuned there is more to come...

Goodbye Belly, Hello Ava

The moment has arrived! A moment of celebration that I have embraced and thanked the Lord for everyday since my angel Ava Rose was born. I tip my hat to all that never believed we would make it to this moment and the simple fact is that I would have to tip it to myself at times. Even though I now feel somewhat empty inside I am filled with a gratification that I can't even explain. The one mission that has been given to me over the last several months was accomplished and now my new reality must begin. With this new reality comes an overwhelming feeling of excitement and the sky is the limit. I now have no physical restrictions, with the exception of the next few weeks recovering from surgery, and I can't wait to feel good again. I can't wait to be able to take my girls on walks, and to the park. I can't wait to be able to exercise! Yes you heard it right here, I am turning over a new leaf. I am taking advantage of what has been given back to me and won't take it for granted again. My new reality will include an active lifestyle and not just for me but for the whole family. As I walk through my front door tomorrow with a family of five I will be the proudest wife and mom on the planet. It still really hasn't sank in for me I think. I'm still trying to process the last four months and all that me and my family have been through. I look at my new miracle, Ava, and I feel nothing but love. To know that this little person was in my belly three days ago is just mind boggeling no matter how many children you have. My belly that I have protected for months, the belly that Sofia said good morning to everyday, and the belly that has brought me so much pain for the last several months is gone. But in it's place is my beautiful angel that we have all waited so patiently for. She will forever be a reminder of the struggle we went through to have her, a reminder of you take nothing for granted or lose sight of how blessed you are, and a reminder that you can do anything that you put your mind to as long as you keep the faith.

T Minus 1 Week and Counting

So here we are. No one thought we would make it this far, but we all prayed for it and God prevailed. One week from this moment I will be holding my new baby girl in my arms and that's a moment I've been waiting for, for a long time. I can't even begin to imagine what that moment will be like. I can imagine all the emotions I will be feeling as well as my family and friends. You know that saying that it takes an army to raise a child? In this case it's totally true. Without our army of friends, family, and the endless hours of support we would have never made it. So here is a huge hug and Thank You to all of you! As the time grows closer I get so anxious to see what's to come. What will she look like? Will she look like Zoie? Sofia? Or will she have a look all her own? Will she be healthy? One more reason to put your trust in God. Let him take care of all that big stuff right? But still you can't help but wonder. The last four months of my life have been strictly dedicated to this little baby that I have yet to meet. I already feel such a connection to her that I can't explain it. Usually I would be working, preoccupied with many other things and thoughts. Not this time. This time I have focused all of my time and energy on every little kick, pain, and contraction. It has really put into perspective what is important in life and what seemed important before really isn't. At my last doctors appointment every nurse, doctor and receptionist I ran into had to tell me how amazed they were with how far I've come. Nobody expected it and I know when you have shocked your maternal fetal medicine specialist you have really accomplished something. So when I think about all the things I have given up...my body, my time, my job, my life I then in turn think about all that I have achieved and all that I am about to gain. It's an overwhelming feeling of accomplishment and it has forever strengthened my relationship with a God more powerful than any doctor, specialist, and pessimist.

Spring and All it Brings

Well the first days of Spring were wondermous! The girls played outside, the dog played outside, and I turned the heat off in the house. I love when that day arrives. To open the windows and let the fresh air in just puts you in a whole different place. Plus it kind of made me feel like part of the real world again. Life beyond this pregnancy is fast approaching and I get more anxious with everyday. to think three more weeks to go is just crazy. Considering where I started I never thought I would make it to this day. The only thing I hope is that she doesn't come in the next three days. Darin is on his way to the airport to fly to Minnesota and I just know that will be the time she chooses to come. Let's hope not.

But with the good there always seems to come the bad. Spring has also brought sickness to the Eleazarraraz home. Zoie has been sick since Sunday so I finally broke down and took her to the doctor today when it appeared she wasn't getting any better. Low and behold she has the strep throat. I guess we couldn't allude this ugly beast forever. Growing up as a kid I never had it and so far neither one of my kids have had it. Just my luck we will all have it by the end of the week and I hear it's horrible in adults so I'm really looking forward to it. My mom is coming to stay with me for a couple of days why Darin is gone and I gave her fair warning. Bless her heart she's coming anyway. May God be with us all. Plus it's cold today! What's the deal? I hate being teased! You can't give me a couple of warm, nice, fresh days and then yank them away to replace it with cold, windy, gloomy weather. Oh well, I know one of these days it will be here today. I wish it cold stay Spring all year round.

I think the one thing that I'm going to dread about the Spring time is the bugs it brings with it. Every speck of dirt, crumb on the floor, and shadow on the wall has turned into a horrible man eating bug. This really puts a damper on our outside play. I had to give my girls a flyswatter to take with them outside the other day and that still didn't work. So if there are any parents out there that have any advice for me on how to curb this fear please share.

What Doesn't Kill Us Makes Us Stronger

It's amazing and a bit upsetting that it takes hard times and sometimes even a tragedy to make us look at our lives and appreciate all we've been given. I wouldn't say that I never appreciated what I had, but I would definitley say that I took things for granted. I am very proud to say that from as far as I can tell, at this moment in my life, that will never be the case again. I have had so much time to reflect on my life past, present and future for the last few months. I have come to realize that it is a complete blessing that I will cherish for the rest of my life. Not too many people get the chance to slow down and take a break from real life. Not too many people get to take advantage of the time to evaluate your life with no distractions. Now I'm not saying that I haven't had distractions, but I have definitley had the time to deal with the distractions, accept them and take time for myself.

From all the negative that has been going on with me and my family for the past few months there are so many positive things that have came out of it. Not only have I got to spend some well overdue quality time with my family, but we have grown closer and stronger. There aren't even words to express the support and love that I have received from my husband during this time. He has been so supportive and kept me going when I thought I couldn't go anymore. He has been understanding, helpful and a continuous pillar of strength for me in all areas. I can never thank him enough for helping me keep my peace of mind. My children have been great! I have had the priviledge of getting the time to be their mother and to actually get to know my kids. Before it just felt like I was a mom from a distance, putting the burden of being mother and father on my husband. It gives me a huge sense of satifaction now knowing that I can be in that mom role for them.

On one last note the support and love I have gotten from my friends has been overwhelming! Having the opportunity to find out who your real friends are is priceless. The constant cards, kind words, and support has been a true blessing to me and my family. It's the small things that keep me going day to day as I anxiously anticipate the arrival of my little miracle. I cannot wait for everyone to meet the little girl that this has all been for. The little girl that has already changed my life before I even saw her beautiful face. Changed my life for the better.

Reality! Where Are You??

Ok, here we go. I'm finally in my 32nd week never believing I would have made it this far. It seems surreal to look back now to when this all started and think that I'm really on the downhill slide. But, with all that being said I'm thinking that I have finally reached my breaking point witht he outside world. Sure, I get out from time to time to go to the doctor or to do the occasional grocery shopping just to blow the stink off, but I'm really starting to feel a little isolated. I'm not sure if it's because we have recently had some decent weather or just because I'm the most impatient person in the whole entire world. The closer my due date comes the more anxious I get. Not because I'm nervous just because I cannot wait to meet this little girl I've been working on for the last several months. I feel like she is the grand prize at the end of the painful, never ending wait. The day she is born will definitely be one of the best days of my life. This is where I'm going to have to stop and recognize the man that has made this all happen and I have never forgotten that praise be to God and his amazing Grace.

Here is where it gets a little weird, so bear with me and try not to judge. I have a confession to make and not only is it embarassing for a grown women but it's borderline completely wrong and illegal. Brace yourself, here we go...are you ready??? Wait for it!!! I think I'm becoming completely obsessed with Justin Bieber!!! I will wait for the gasps to pass, because I so know what you are thinking. Staci has lost her mind! I've been trying to rationalize why this is happening and I think I've came up with the answer. Not only is my 5 year old daughter in love with him, but lately he is everywhere! Every television show I turn on has him on it, and that also includes all my favorite talk shows. Every music station, every t-shirt, every everything. It also doesn't help that I took Zoie to watch the movie at the theatre the other day. I figure she got out early from school and I knew she would love to watch it. I knew it wouldn't hurt to go sit at the theatre to watch a movie and it would be a great opportunity to get out of the house. It was actually kind of nice because not only were we the only ones in the theatre but I knew I wouldn't have to worry about Zoie being to loud and disturbing other people. Here is another confession I'm a little embarrassed to admit, but I kinda liked the movie. Oh, get over it! Actually the daughter that I was so worried about being loud fell asleep halfway through the movie,but not me. I was glued to that screen, smitten with this cute little teenager.

So instead of turning this into the creepy thing that it is I'm going to embrace it as something that Zoie and I have in common. I will use it as a bonding tool if nothing else. If that doesn't work then I'm going to blame the bedrest and being surrounded by his cute little image all day everyday. Like I'm brainwashed, it's not my fault. I'm sure this to shall pass like everything else but for now I am a BELIEBER!!!