Goodbye 2011!

As this year draws to a close I am reflecting back on the last twelve months and can't believe how much my life has changed. Some of the change is for the good and of course some of the change is for the not so good. When it is all said and done however, I wouldn't change a bit of it. The story is true about how much faster your life goes as you get older. It seems like once I graduated high school my life has been in fast forward ever since. With this year being no different. It makes me wonder if it's just going to keep speeding up. I remember growing up wishing and praying the time would just fly by so I could grow up and be a big girl. Now that I'm hear I wouldn't mind it slowing down a bit, so I can enjoy, what I believe, to be the best time of my life. I guess we'll see what's to come.

Looking back at a year ago from today I would have told you, you were crazy if you told me I'd be a stay at home mom today. Not just being a stay at home mom but if you would have told me I would be doing daycare in my home I probably would have laughed in your face. Not that there is anything wrong with either one of those things, but I never imagined they would be in my life plan. I always dreamed of being a stay at home mom, but never thought the option was feasible. I have worked since I was 15 years old and I thought that would be my life until I wasn't able to do it anymore. It's so funny how the good Lord give you a fork in the road of life and what path he advises you to take. I look at it now as a blessing that I am able to stay home with my little Ava. I get to enjoy every moment of my last born firsts and I thank the Lord everyday for the opportunity.

Another blessing I am thankful for in the last year is my renewed faith and the strength that it has given to me. I have endured and overcome obstacles in my life that have only made me stronger. I am proud to say that I am a mother of three beautiful girls and that I have a loving supportive husband. Darin is my rock and he has truly proven himself as the best husband, father and provider this year. He has carried our family through many hard times this year with his support and love. I am so proud to have him by my side.

This past year has given me opportunities to really focus on what I want to do with my life. I have had many moments of reflection on what kind of person I want to be and that I want my kids to remember most about their mom. I believe that motherhood is a constant learning process and I don't want to look back with any regrets. I want to look back and know that I did the best that I knew how and I want my kids to be proud of me for it.

The best part of 2011 was the birth of my little Ava Rose. It was a long, hard road to get her here and it was worth every bit of it. Our family is complete with her and we are all better because of her. She has taught us to never take one single thing for granted. Cherish every moment you have with your family and never forget who made it all possible!

Kill it! Kill it! KILL IT!!!!

spider (noun): predatory arachnid with eight legs, two poison fangs, two feelers, and usually two silk-spinning organs at the back end of the body; they spin silk to make cocoons for eggs or traps for prey. Synonyms: wanderer

Well fall is upon us and these wonderful, eight legged creatures have taken this as an open invitation into my humble abode. For anyone who knows me they know that spiders are my absolute downfall. Over the years I have really made an effort to make peace with these horrible creatures, but to me, crossing into my safe zone breaks that treaty.

For several weeks now I have admired these creatures from afar. Maybe not admired as much as kept one eye on them just in case they try any funny business. But never the less I left them alone. I figure as long as they don't bother me I won't have to bother them. This arrangement appeared to work for both parties involved. Then the relationship seemed to go south. I started noticing one of my eight legged friends here and there. There would be one in my mop bucket, which I keep in the garage. I kind of let this slide because technically the garage is not the house so it would still be a neutral zone. Then they would sneak into the shower to surprise me in the morning when I was half awake, not cool. Then I would see one try to sneak across the ceiling in the living room as I'm trying to relax and watch some tv, not cool. Then I would catch them hanging in the stairways making their way from one level of the house to another, really not cool. The straw that broke the camels back would be when they decided to take over the laundry. As a busy mother of three I don't have the time to keep up on the laundry on a daily basis so the dirty laundry makes it's way to the basement. Once it's in the basement I sort it into piles usually and that's where it waits patiently to get washed. For some reason spiders love this. They see these piles as places to burrow and hide just to jump out at you when you least expect it. I don't know about anybody else but these experiences almost put me into full cardiac arrest. Not only does my heart stop, but I tend to pee a little in my pants.

After the initial shock then reality starts to set back in. Then it's like fight or flight. I am completely paralyzed with fear, but if I let it get away then it's like a free pass to continue to terrorize my home. And for some reason this year the spiders seem to be on steroids!! Literally! So needless to say my motivation to get my laundry done has completely diminished and it wasn't that high to begin with. I literally need a Xanax to get my laundry done.

So I guess from now until the cold of the winter freezes the little friggers off I will have to tip toe around my laundry room, with every light on, shaking each and every piece of laundry just to be on the safe side. Needless to say the peace treaty is void, and I now keep a shoe in every room just in case quick action needs to be taken.

Is It Just Me or is This World Going to S#*&!

Now that I'm staying home with my kids one of my guilty pleasures in the AM is CNN and HLN. As I drink my coffee I listen and watch story after story about how crappy our world has become. For the last ten years all you hear about on the news is War, bombings, tragedy and natural disaster! Am I missing something here or is the good Lord trying to send us a message? As I sit in the comfort of my own, comfortable home, my heart goes out to all of these people who are victims of these tragedies. One thing I have after being blessed with three beautiful children are the emotions of a basket case. I'm all over the place! I'm pissed, I'm sad and often find myself sick to my stomach after 5 minutes of watching the morning news. Maybe I'm a little embarrassed to admit it but I might shed a tear or two as I try to imagine what it would be like to experience one of these events. What would I do if I lost my home to a tornado, flooding or fire? What would I do if an inevitable hurricane was headed my way and forecasters predict it will be epic? What would I do if I lost a family member or a close friend to War, hunger or a horrific act of violence? I mean the list goes on and on. Then I think of my family and my children and the waterworks begin. What would I do? Then I find myself in a moment of silence thanking God for all that he has given me and all of the opportunities and good fortune he has thrown my way. But I'm still stuck with the question of Why? Why is all of this happening and why does it seem to keep happening at an alarming rate? Maybe someone is hinting that we should all take a moment of silence every once in a while and be thankful for our blessing. Just a thought.

Now, so that I'm not a total bummer on this beautiful Friday lets continue on a brighter note! Fall is on it's way, and with Fall comes the first Friday night football game of the season. I'm very excited to take Ava to her first Friday night lights experience, plus both of us need to get out of the house and blow some stink off. Then tomorrow I get to celebrate in the 4th Annual Fork and Cork Festival here in downtown Macon. This will be my first time attending and I'm looking forward to what it has to offer. If anyone of you out there reading this is looking for something to do tomorrow you should come on down and join us. It should be a good time. Then on Sunday Darin and I will celebrate our 7 year wedding anniversary! Now to try and find time to do the laundry and cleaning that always seems to sneak up on me when I'm not looking. Oh well, it's not going anywhere. Trust me I know, because I've been waiting to see if it will do itself and it never does.

So as we all go out to enjoy our weekends let's keep those less fortunate in out thoughts and prayers and thank God for all the blessings he has given us. Sometimes they are hard to find, but they are there.

Thunder and Lightening, Oooooo So Frightening

What the hell was that last night? I felt like I was waking up the the apocolypse! Growing up in Missouri I am not one to be afraid of storms or tornadoes either one. After the tradegies in Joplin and Sedalia I have a new found respect for severe weather. So last night when I woke up to what I thought was my windows being blown out I paid attention. Soon after I jumped out of bed to see what was exactly happening the power went out, then the panic set in. I couldn't see anything but by flash of lightening and what I was seeing was not settling too well. The wind was so fierce that I thought for sure I was in a tornado. It wasn't a few seconds for Darin to be right behind me peering out the window, and another few seconds for us to decide that our asses are going to the basement. Thank God for Android phones to light our way with the flashlight app. We rounded up our girls and down the stairs we went. Of course I'm keeping a brave face for my girls, because with the first sign of my fear I knew they would have mental breakdowns. But not Ava, she slept through the whole thing. So after 50 or so "what's going ons" later we made it to the basement safe and sound.

We had no power, no lights, no radio and Darin was hunting feverishly for a flashlight and some candles. The light from the candles was somewhat comforting and it wasn't long before I realized I was more afraid than my children. Ava was still sound asleep in my arms, and Zoie and Sofia were chatting away about tornadoes and how they were going to blow our house away. Outside mother nature was still beating the crap out of our house and then it hit me. Sofia's brand new trampoline was in the backyard that she had gotten for her birthday. I looked at Darin and said, "the trampoline is gone!" I couldn't imagine how anything would be left in the yard after this storm.

Once the storm died down we decided to head back up to bed by candle light, and surprisingly enough all the girls went right back down with no issues. I wish I could have said the same about myself. I laid they and tossed and turned as the thunder rolled and the only light still was the flashes of lightening outside. I was worried that my cellphone alarm wouldn't wake me up in a few hours, I was worried that the sirens for a tornado would go off and I wouldn't hear them, and I was worried that there was damage outside that I didn't not want to see in the light of day.

Considering I get up at 5:30am to get ready for my daycare kids I only had a few short hours before I had to be up anyway and then my mind started racing again. How was I going to watch my kids with no electricity? No lights, no stove, and no air conditioning. So this basically what consisted of the rest of my night.

When I did get up and picked my clothes out by flashlight, the tornado sirens started going off. Great! Now what! Was this for real, or just a false alarm? I peeked outside and it appeared to me to be a false alarm and soon after the power was restored. Thank God, cause I didn't want to take a shower in the dark. Then as daylight slowly crept in we could assess the damage. Trees down, limbs in the yard, and our trampoline was ok. It was in the neighbors yard but appeared to be fine. From reports that I have heard I think we are one of the lucky ones. There are several people who don't have power, Zoie's best friends trampoline didn't fair as well as ours, and one of my daycare moms said her neighbor had a tree in his car. So happy Monday everyone, surely this day will only get better from here.

Welcome to My New Normal

Well back to life as I know it is taking some getting used to. After six months out of the game I was ready to get back to life and take it by the horns. I just started my second week as a childcare provided and it is going great so far. The only bump I seem to be experiencing is Sofia adapting. She was first used to having Mommy all to herself and then she had to get used to having Ava at home. Then a few weeks later she is having to get used to having to share her Mommy with other kids and she is struggling. I'm sure she will get used to it, I just hope it's sooner than later. We are all having a great time though. It's so nice and I'm so fortunate to be able to stay home with my kids, especially with my little baby Ava. I'm not real sure I could leave her with anyone if I did go back to work. Since she is my last I want to make sure I don't miss a moment.

I guess I figured getting to stay home on a daily basis would give me more time to get stuff down around the house. Boy was I wrong. I am more busy now than I was with a full time job. I would trade it for the world though. I still get a few moments of silence between keeping the peace, serving meals, and wiping noses. Oh and don't forget changing diapers that's right in there too. All I have to say is thank goodness for nap time. Now if only adults had a daily nap time, then life would be perfect.

The Eleazarraraz family got to enjoy a mini vacation before my life returned to a new normal. We went to St. Louis and went to the Zoo, Grants Farm and the Science Center. The girls loved it. It was a great getaway and I would recommend it to any family. It's a pretty cheap way to have a good time. We picniced in Forest Park the day we went to the Zoo and the girls thought that was pretty cool, but not as cool as the carriage ride we took downtown after eating at the Old Spaghetti Factory. The horse the led our carriage was named Scooby Doo and had purple sparkly nail polish. The girls just thought that was it. But with all the fun things we had planned and saw all the girls could talk about was the pool at the hotel. Unfortunately the pool just opened the day before we got there and it was freezing cold. I don't do well with cold water. Needless to say my foot is the only thing that got in the water this vacation.

But most of all I'm so excited to spend my summer with my family. I'm already enjoying having my weekends free to spend with my kids and of course Darin. We can go see family or go to the lake, or whatever we want to do and I don't have to worry about missing out on anything. That has got to be one of the greatest gifts in life. To get to see my kids grow up and enjoy their lives is so important to me, and I'm going to cherish every minute of it. So stayed tuned there is more to come...

Goodbye Belly, Hello Ava

The moment has arrived! A moment of celebration that I have embraced and thanked the Lord for everyday since my angel Ava Rose was born. I tip my hat to all that never believed we would make it to this moment and the simple fact is that I would have to tip it to myself at times. Even though I now feel somewhat empty inside I am filled with a gratification that I can't even explain. The one mission that has been given to me over the last several months was accomplished and now my new reality must begin. With this new reality comes an overwhelming feeling of excitement and the sky is the limit. I now have no physical restrictions, with the exception of the next few weeks recovering from surgery, and I can't wait to feel good again. I can't wait to be able to take my girls on walks, and to the park. I can't wait to be able to exercise! Yes you heard it right here, I am turning over a new leaf. I am taking advantage of what has been given back to me and won't take it for granted again. My new reality will include an active lifestyle and not just for me but for the whole family. As I walk through my front door tomorrow with a family of five I will be the proudest wife and mom on the planet. It still really hasn't sank in for me I think. I'm still trying to process the last four months and all that me and my family have been through. I look at my new miracle, Ava, and I feel nothing but love. To know that this little person was in my belly three days ago is just mind boggeling no matter how many children you have. My belly that I have protected for months, the belly that Sofia said good morning to everyday, and the belly that has brought me so much pain for the last several months is gone. But in it's place is my beautiful angel that we have all waited so patiently for. She will forever be a reminder of the struggle we went through to have her, a reminder of you take nothing for granted or lose sight of how blessed you are, and a reminder that you can do anything that you put your mind to as long as you keep the faith.

T Minus 1 Week and Counting

So here we are. No one thought we would make it this far, but we all prayed for it and God prevailed. One week from this moment I will be holding my new baby girl in my arms and that's a moment I've been waiting for, for a long time. I can't even begin to imagine what that moment will be like. I can imagine all the emotions I will be feeling as well as my family and friends. You know that saying that it takes an army to raise a child? In this case it's totally true. Without our army of friends, family, and the endless hours of support we would have never made it. So here is a huge hug and Thank You to all of you! As the time grows closer I get so anxious to see what's to come. What will she look like? Will she look like Zoie? Sofia? Or will she have a look all her own? Will she be healthy? One more reason to put your trust in God. Let him take care of all that big stuff right? But still you can't help but wonder. The last four months of my life have been strictly dedicated to this little baby that I have yet to meet. I already feel such a connection to her that I can't explain it. Usually I would be working, preoccupied with many other things and thoughts. Not this time. This time I have focused all of my time and energy on every little kick, pain, and contraction. It has really put into perspective what is important in life and what seemed important before really isn't. At my last doctors appointment every nurse, doctor and receptionist I ran into had to tell me how amazed they were with how far I've come. Nobody expected it and I know when you have shocked your maternal fetal medicine specialist you have really accomplished something. So when I think about all the things I have given up...my body, my time, my job, my life I then in turn think about all that I have achieved and all that I am about to gain. It's an overwhelming feeling of accomplishment and it has forever strengthened my relationship with a God more powerful than any doctor, specialist, and pessimist.