The Threshold of Doubt

              It has been a million years since I wrote a blog post, and there are a million reasons why. However, that doesn't mean I haven't thought about writing one a million times. I guess one of the reasons why is that I haven't been moved to the point to feel inspired to write one. This changed this past Sunday while listening to the sermon at church. We were sitting in the same service, same pew, with the same people surrounding us as in weeks before, but for some reason this was the week I felt inspired. Call it what you will, but I felt a need to take notes because I was going to write about what was being said. 

              Let me start off by setting the stage. It was a start of a new sermon series titled "The Grave Robber". This is coming right after the series we just finished up about marriage, which Darin thought was appropriate. (Just kidding of course;) The Grave Robber is all about how Jesus can make your impossible possible. I don't know about any one else out there, but I have alot of impossibles. As a Christian these words give me a form of hope and comfort as I face my impossibles, but then I posed a question to myself. How much do I really believe this? Don't get me wrong I BELIEVE, however I think part of my adult brain causes doubt. It causes doubt, not just about the sermon I was listening to, or the beliefs that I believe but with about everything I encounter in my life. There is always doubt! With doubt comes stress, with stress comes more worries then for most of us then we want to admit, these worries consume us. I HATE IT! 

              So back to how Jesus can make the impossible possible. As a first grade teacher at a Christian school I teach Bible to my students every single day. Most of our Bible curriculum tells the stories of the miracles that Jesus performed during his life here on earth. One thing I love about my first grade babies is their minds are like little sponges and they soak up everything that I have to say. Well most of the time anyway:) On a daily basis we talk about Jesus turning water into wine, Jesus walking on water, how he made the blind to see and the lame to walk, and how he can heal the sick. All of the same stories I was taught at their age in my Sunday school class. Just like my students when I was their age I would listen to these stories my teachers were telling me and have no doubt in my mind that they really happened. Sure Jesus walked on water, and sure Jesus turned five fish into five thousand and of course Jesus rose from the dead. I had absolutely no doubt these stories were true the same way my students today believe every word  of each story. Why wouldn't they believe? We teach them and tell them that every story in the Bible is true, I believe it myself, and I would never teach them something I didn't believe myself. 

             As I was sitting listening to my preacher on Sunday a thought came to my mind. When and where is the threshold where we stop believing everything we are told and taught, and start to doubt everything we are told and taught? I cannot pin point the exact time I stopped just knowing the miracles of the Lord were real, and when the shadow of doubt started to invade my mind. Then I thought how nice it would be to have the mindset of a child again. Not in every way, just in the way that they believe with their whole heart. Again, please don't get me wrong. I believe in all of these things but when it comes to my own life why do I have so much doubt? Why do I believe he performed all of these miracles then but for some reason he won't now? The most frustrating thing to me is that I have seen Him perform miracles in my life, more than once. He brought me my Ava after she defied all medical odds. He brought Trei into our lives so effortlessly you just know it was His will. I have seen these things over and over again, but still I doubt. That's the thing about Satan he creeps in when your guard is down. He creeps in and puts that doubt in your mind. The doubts about your marriage, your finances, your children, in every area of your life! Why do I give my big problems over to Him, but save all the smaller problems to deal with on my own. That's the thing about small problems, though. They band together and gang up on you. Several small problems can easily turn into one big problem. So why do I completely believe Jesus died, was put in a tomb and rose three days later, but I don't believe he can help me figure out how to communicate with my husband the way I should? Why do I believe Jesus parted the seas, but when it comes parenting my children it doesn't always enter my mind to pray about it? There is a reason he made me pick that pen and paper up on Sunday morning, and I can't wait for Him to reveal it to me. Thank you Matt Stieger for bringing such powerful messages to us each and every Sunday! Just know your words are important and you are appreciated!

Hope for Haiti Part 1 Travel and First Day in Haiti

Whoa it's been a while! When I say a while I mean like 7 months, but that's ok cause I'm back now. My life has been full of all kinds of ups and downs since my last entry but I'm not going to bore you with all those details. I'm going to stick with one really great "up" in my life since my last post, and that was my trip to Haiti. It's going to be way to hard for me to shove all of my two week trip into one post so I'm going to break it up for you so it's not so much at once. First I want to thank anyone and everyone that helped to make this trip a reality. It was truly a dream come true for me, and it will be once experience that I will never forget.

It has been a month and a half since our team of 11 set out for Haiti. On February 15th at 10:30am we all met at church with our friends and family all there to support us and to help see us off. It was such a great feeling to know so many people supported us and cared for us, and that they would all be praying for us while we were gone. After a group prayer and a picture we loaded up in the 15 passenger van and headed to St. Louis to board our jet plane. After a brief stop for lunch at Chick-fil-a we made it to the airport and boarded our plane with no major speed bumps. Even though the lady that checked our luggage in could have been a tad nicer, but I'm sure if she would have known our purpose, and if she would have known how green we were in international travel she would have let up on us a little bit:)

After an overnight stay in Miami at John's Aunt and Uncles house, who fed us some fantastic ham by the way, we were off. The flight from Miami to Port au Prince was only an hour and a half but felt to me like an eternity. I was so excited! So excited to get there, to see what there was to see, and to do what God wanted us to do. We had prepared for this trip for months and it was finally here. It all felt really surreal, and as the plane landed in Port au Prince by heart started to race. This was it, and I knew my life would change before I would land back in the States.

As the air turned on in the cabin the plane started to fill with the smells of Haiti. Quite honestly they were not as bad as they had been described to me but they were not pleasant either. The best way to describe the smell is that of burning trash. Everywhere you went it smelled like burning trash, which I got used to after a while. There was another group there with us that had been to Haiti and to the mission, Sonlight, where we were going as well. They kind of showed us the ropes and helped us through the airport. It was a relief to have them with us, made our first impression of Haiti not as overwhelming as what it could have been. Trust me when I say it was overwhelming enough. We went to another "terminal" of the Port au Prince airport which we had to take a short bus ride to. There we sat and waited for our puddle jumper ride to Port de Paix. We waited, and we waited, and we waited. We waited so long that we had to break into one of our totes that we were bringing with us that had food and supplies in it to find some kind of sustenance to get us by. Luckily the first tote we opened, right on the very top, was a Sam's Club box of assorted chips. It was like God had placed them right there for us because he knew we would need them. We were quite grateful for these chips, and we were not selfish, we shared them with the entire terminal.

 Hours later it was finally time for us to make our final trek to our destination. I had been dreading this trip since I found out we were going to have to make it. I'm fine when it comes to big commercial plane rides, but the small "puddle jumper" plane ride terrified me. Needless to say my fears were confirmed as we flew over the mountains to get to Port de Paix. If you can try to imagine driving down a gravel road in a truck too fast. You know how your back end fish tales as you go? This was the exact same feeling I had in this plane. We were fish taling while shaking and dropping, it was awful. Thank God my good friend Emily was by my side to help me through. As we approached Port de Paix I looked down and saw some kids playing and running around on an open strip of land. It took me a few minutes to realize that this strip of dirt and gravel they were playing on was actually the runway where this death trap was going to land. I started praying and I was praying fast. As you can tell from reading this post that I did survive that plane ride, both ways coming and going, but it was definitely my low of the trip. Apart from the sickness I felt from the plane ride and the gasoline smell that filled the plane we were all there safe and in one piece.

We were greeted by missionaries that are teachers at Sonlight and they helped us to get our bags and our bodies onto a flatbed truck. This was our mode of transportation from the airport to the hotel. Interesting doesn't even begin to cover this experience. We were all so crammed onto the back of that truck that I thought for sure we would lose someone along the way, but we didn't. Getting to drive through the streets of Port de Paix and trying to process all that we were seeing made it real at that moment. All of the pictures in books and magazines, all of the news clips from tv and the internet were there in real life. I was seeing this devastation with my own eyes and it was something I'm not sure I can fully explain in a blog post. I have posted some pics to give you a glimpse of what we saw. 

We made it safely to the hotel with no one falling off the back of the truck, which was a huge relief. As we unloaded our stuff in front of the Holiday Beach Hotel I was once again struck with anxiety because I had heard some horror stories about the accommodations. When we were showed to our rooms I was pleasantly surprised by how it looked. It wasn't near as bad as I thought it was going to be. I pictured the worst of the worst but this wasn't bad at all. There was running water and electricity at night time what more could a girl ask for. Plus I had two great roommates that made that first week stay that much more memorable. Love you Trisha and Emily:)

So after a long day of travel and experiencing Haiti for the first time we were all beat to say the least. We got to experience some wonderful hospitality from the Alexanders, the founders of Sonlight, and put our first day in Haiti to bed. We had to get rested up because the very next morning we had to get up early for our first church service in Haiti. 

However....you have Rheumatoid Arthritis

Those were the words! Those were the words I knew were coming but was still in some kind of denial hoping they would not come. On one hand I'm actually relieved to finally have a reason why I'm in so much pain all the time, but on the other hand I'm completely overwhelmed and almost in a state of shock. I mean I'm only 32 years old! But what do ya do? Well I'll tell you what I did do and it's Google it. Against all that I know and would recommend to anyone else, I Googled it. Talk about overload of information. From causes, to testing, to treatments anything you could want to know is out there. But with all that good info comes the bad. But we won't get into all that jazz.

I am so thankful that recently I have fell in love with working out. I know this might be hard for some of you to believe, but I am so disappointed if I miss a day and make an effort to get some kind of exercise daily. I know this will help my body so much in the long run in keeping me mobile and healthy. I am also thankful that this is something we do as a family, and I know that it is a permanent fixture in our daily routine. I can tell, even after only a few weeks, the days that I miss and they way I feel when I miss a workout. That is motivation alone to keep on this healthy lifestyle track.

So what's next? Well I am being referred to a specialist, hopefully in Columbia, that can help me with a treatment plan. I'm hoping for the best case scenerio and I will be feeling better sooner than later. I know with the support of my friends and family and my faith in God that I will only get better. I know there will be bad days, but I will look forward to the good days. It's just amazing how your life can change with just one phone call. Sometimes for the better and sometimes it's not so great but it's all a learning experience and everything happens for a reason. If He leads you to it, He will lead you through it.

Some of you may be thinking, why is she blogging about this? For anyone who knows me, they know that writing is my personal outlet. It's the first thing I think about when something happens in my life, whether it be good news or bad. It's a way for me to get my emotions out because we all know there is more room out than in. It's very therapeutic to me and it gives me a peace of mind. So I thank all of you that have taken the time to read and listen, and if no one reads it that's fine too. At least it's out and weighing a little less on my mind.

Top Ten Questions I Get About Sofia and Celiac

In the few short days since my post on my daughter Sofia and her life with Celiac Disease, I have been approached by so many people with feedback. To me the word feedback sounds kind of scary and negative but in this case the feedback has been awesome! The comments I have been receiving are mostly that people had no idea what Celiac entailed. Many just figured it was a food allergy like any other food allergy, and didn't realize it was so in depth. Not to down play food allergies at all, because they are and can be very serious if not handled correctly and in some ways I'm very thankful that Sofia doesn't have a food allergy. But that's a completely different post. The purpose of this post is to further inform all of those out there that still might have questions about Celiac.

Frequently I am asked questions about Celiac and what Sofia can and can't have. I also get the more in depth questions about the medical side of it. So here are the top ten questions I get about Celiac Disease and there answers.

1) Is Celiac a wheat allergy?

     A) No, Celiac Disease is an autoimmune disease that effects the digestive system.

2) Will Sofia ever outgrow Celiac?

     A)  No, Celiac is something Sofia will have for her entire life. She will never outgrow it no matter how old she gets.

3)  Is there medicine that Sofia can take to manage Celiac?

     A)  No, unfortunately at this current time there is no medicine to treat this disease. There are been research and I have heard encouraging news that there is something in the works but it could still be many years before something is developed.

4) What happens if Sofia eats wheat?

     A)  If Sofia eats wheat you will start to see the effects within 45mins to an hour. She will get very lethargic and then she will get physically ill. It takes a few hours for her to bounce back for it and feel herself again.

5)  What are the symptoms of Celiac?

     A)  Symptoms vary from each person. Sofia's symptoms included weight loss, fatigue, distended belly, grayish/fatty stools, dark rings around the eyes, and just and overall failure to thrive.

6)  How sensitive is Celiac Disease?

    A) More sensitive than you would think. Not only is eating wheat, barley or rye a threat for Sofia but there is also a threat of cross contamination. For example a knife that you use to butter your bread with you cannot use to butter Sofia's bread. If you stick the knife back in the butter after buttering your bread then you have to use a different butter for Sofia.

7) What do you do with Sofia when you go out to eat?

    A) It has taken alot of research and experience to be able to eat out with Sofia. We are limited to where we can go and what we can eat. There are alot of restaurants that have special menus to cater to people with special diets and you can also look up most ingredients online.

8)  Doesn't Sofia feel left out that she can't eat the same things as everyone else?

    A) Fortunately we found out that Sofia had Celiac at a very young age. She really doesn't know the difference. Thankfully the growing trend of health food stores has really given us a wider selection of foods for Sofia. There is basically a replacement for anything that she would want to eat. Plus Sofia knows that she has a special belly and she also knows what will happen if she eats something she is not suppose to.

9)  Does your whole family have to eat gluten free?

     A) No, considering Sofia can eat meat, veggies and potatoes it's relatively easy to plan family meals. The parts that get tricky is when we have spaghetti, pizza, that sort of thing. We usually make Sofia the same meal we are eating just modify it to be gluten free. Gluten free products are pretty expensive so it's not really in our budget for us all to eat gluten free.

10)  With all the planning, label reading, precautions that have to be made, isn't it hard for you?

       A)  Of course it took sometime to get used to, but hard NO! Considering the alternative to not living the gluten free lifestyle it isn't hard for me at all. Sofia is the one that has to live with Celiac. She is the one that has to learn what she can and can't eat, which she is so good at. She is the one that has to suffer the consequences when someone makes a mistake and gives her wheat. So it is not hard for me at all. I don't mind at all explaining to everyone what it's all about and make sure everyone is educated to prevent any confusion. She is my special girl with the special belly:)

These are the top ten questions that I hear most often. I welcome the questions and I'm happy that people are curious and want to know more about Celiac. So if I didn't cover a question here that you would like to know the answer to, please don't hesitate to ask.

This Moms Mission, Making Tracks for Celiacs!

As many of you have probably noticed, due to the invite on Facebook, the Eleazarraraz family is super stoked for September 29th in Kansas City. At Arrowhead Stadium on this day there is the first annual Making Tracks for Celiacs Run/Walk to be held in the KC area. These run/walks have been held for years all over the United States, but this is the first once close to home. So of course we are jumping at the opportunity to participate and to do our part to raise money and give back to raising awareness and research for Celiac Disease. 

Here is a little info on Celiac Disease. Celiac is an autoimmune disease that effects 1 in 133 people. Individuals with Celiac cannot have gluten (wheat, barley, or rye). Many people go years or their entire lives without being diagnosed or they are misdiagnosed. Many people that have Celiac are diagnosed with irritable bowel syndrome, or other digestive disorders. A lot of people confuse Celiac Disease with an allergy, which it is not. When someone with this disease ingests gluten it instantly starts attacking the villi in the intestines. Villi are very small, finger like, projections on the small intestines that allow vitamins and nutrients to be absorbed into the body from the food we eat. Gluten breaks down these villi until they are non existent which then inhibits the absorption of all these vital nutrients. Going undiagnosed or not taking care of yourself if you are diagnosed can be very dangerous. Not only do you feel bad, but it can also lead to numerous other health issues from thyroid disease to cancer. So steering clear from gluten is very important!

Heres our story...Our daughter, Sofia, was diagnosed with Celiac Disease in the fall of 2008. She was born a perfectly healthy baby and continued to thrived until she starting eating table food. From 9 months of age to 15 months Sofia had stopped gaining weight and had actually started losing weight. We had started to become concerned when her spine started to stick out and her belly became distended. She had also developed dark circles around her eyes and became very lethargic. We decided to see our pediatrician to see what could be the issue. The doctors appointment left me more confused and angry then anything. I went with the idea that we were going to get answers to our questions not be left with more questions and frustrations. 

The doctor's idea was to keep a calorie journal, which isn't a terrible idea, but I had the feeling that the doctor thought I was starving my child to death. I assured the doctor that Sofia ate just as much as my other daughter, if not more. She also threw other things at us like she could have cystic fibrosis or cancer. These words terrified me and all I can remember is crying on the ride home, so worried to what my little girls future would hold. All I knew for sure was that something was terribly wrong, considering my little girl didn't even register on the growth chart anymore because she had lost so much weight. In a few days we got a call that the tests and blood work all came back clean, which was a huge relief. No cystic fibrosis and no cancer, so what was it. Everyone was at a loss. 

One night I get a phone call at home from a friend of mine from high school. She was a nurse in my home town and had talked to my mom about what was going on with little Sofia. She had called me that night because the symptoms my mom had described sounded to her like she could have Celiace Disease. My thoughts were Celiac what? I had never heard of this before, ever, but that phone call from my friend lit a spark of hope in me. I still believe to this day if it wasn't for her we may have never found out what was wrong with Sofia, because our doctors were at a loss and had no direction to go in. So the very next day I made a call to our pediatrician with this idea. Instantly I was discouraged once again, because the doctor did not feel this was the issue and wasn't even really willing to test for it. But I think since they were out of ideas they figure why not. More blood was taken and the tests were ran and sure enough, Celiac it was. Now let the questions begin. So much to learn, and so many fears but with God by our side and great, supportive family we eventually got  the hang of it. You would not believe how many things have wheat in them! We became really good at reading labels, really fast. We were also sent to a specialist who still takes care of Sofia to this day and keeps us on track. We have blood work every one to two years to make sure she is staying healthy. 

As soon as we had a proper diagnosis and got Sofia on the gluten free diet she became a completely different baby. Her energy increased ten fold, her hair started growing, she started gaining weight, she started to walk and talk, it was amazing. She has been going full speed every since. Sometimes we have slip ups and she eats gluten by accident, but it doesn't take long to figure out that she has had it and it comes right back up. It's enough for her to know that she would never eat it willingly and I'm hoping as she gets older that she continues to take care of herself. 

We love this little girl and we thank God everyday for putting her in our lives. She doesn't let Celiac Disease get her down and it has become a part of who she is. As a family we have learned to adjust to her lifestyle and it's a continuous challenge to educate everyone around her of what are the do's and the don'ts when it comes to Celiac. Sofia started Kindergarten today and school lunch is next to impossible for Sofia. Everything served in a school lunch has wheat in it and cross contamination is something that's hard to prevent. That's why this run/walk in September is so important to us. Hopefully through raising money to support research and awareness there will be a cure for Celiac one day. Or if nothing else we can spread awareness for the disease to people can get a proper diagnosis and to make life a little easier for those with Celiac Disease. 

If anyone is interested in joining Team Sofia and would like to walk with us in September go to www.celiacwalk.org and sign up to be part of our team. If you are unable to walk and would still like to pledge toward our cause you can also do that through our teams website which can also be found at celiacwalk.org. You can also pay by check, just contact me for details. Thanks so much for reading our story and for your support. 

All Good Things Must Come to An End! Or Do They?

In my last post I talked about the new and exciting opportunity I was getting to stay home with my three girls for the summer. Boy has it been an awesome summer! It was all I had hoped for and then some. I remember a time in my life when the exact words out of my mouth were "there is no way I could be a stay at home mom". Either I was way wrong or something in me has changed since that time, and I really think it's a little bit of both. The only part of the summer that I am not happy about is how fast it has gone by. There is so much more fun to be had and just not enough weeks left to have it.

Between going to the park, swimming and play dates we have made some great, lasting memories and made some great friends. I used to dread summer because my girls seemed to get so antsy and bored before summer even got into full swing. The key to curbing that is to keep them busy and that's what I did. But not only is the getting out and staying busy good for my girls, but it was also good for me. It got me out into the world again. When I was staying home and babysitting the only faces I saw day in and day out had food smeared on them. It was so nice to socialize with other stay at home summer mommies and build those bonds with adults again.

Even though summer is coming to a close and the girls will start school in just a few short weeks, the best part of our summer is yet to come. One week from tomorrow we will be headed out to California for a nice long visit with family and friends out there. We have been busy planning an agenda to get the most packed in to the time we have to spend out there. The worst part of the trip will be traveling with Ava! I love that third child of mine, but she is not a traveler. We can't go 20 minutes down the road without her sending everyone in the car in to anger management. So I'm praying to the good Lord that somehow she can keep occupied on the plane long enough for us to at least get in the air so they can't kick us off before we even get started. I'm pretty sure we will be safe once we get to 30,000 ft. They might not let us get back on to come home, but I don't think that would be the worse thing in the world. I could stand to stay in Cali for a little longer than planned.

So I know that once we are back home and settled in from our trip the reality will set in that summer is over:(
The good news is that I will have 9 months to plan for next summer, because I plan on taking full advantage of it as well. The one and most important thing I learned from this summer is things that seem impossible are always possible. All you have to have is enough faith and determination and you can make it happen. Never in a million years would I have thought I could stay home with my girls for three months and do nothing but play and enjoy them, but we made it happen.

The Miracle of Burdens

Man it's been a long time since my last post! Oh well, better late than never right? My life has been chuck full of ups and downs, ins and outs since the last time you heard from me. One of the biggest highlights of my life has been joining our new church family at Crossroads Christian and being baptized with my husband! Nothing is more special than being on the same spiritual page as your significant other and entering into a new journey with them with God on your side. "There ain't no mountain high enough, ain't no valley low enough" quoted from a very popular song, sang by artists that I have never heard of. I know this because I Googled it. But this would sum up how I feel at this moment in my life. Like I can overcome any obstacle or work through any problem thrown my way. Some of you may roll your eyes at this moment, but trust me, don't knock it until you try it. It's the best feeling!

One of the most important things I have learned through this journey over the past several months is the good Lord is knocking on my heart and I really need to answer. He is wanting to show me things that I have questioned for a very long time. Some of these things being "how can I be a better mom to my kids?", "or a better wife to my husband?", or maybe the most important one of all "how can I leave my mark in this world?" How can I reach people, through the word of God, to better this world? I know deep right? But thanks to some very important people that have been placed into my life this is my number one goal on my list. I guess you could say that I am tired of just existing, going through the same motions day after day, without doing anything that I can say that I am proud to be apart of. I challenge each and every person reading this to take a step back. Think about your lives and what you want your life to be. What do you want to be remembered for?

The first step in my journey is working on becoming a better mom to my kids! How do I want my kids to remember me? Or how do I want them to remember there childhood? Over the past year I have been babysitting in my home, which allowed me to stay home with my baby Ava while making a little extra money to make the ends meet. I am so thankful for this opportunity because it allowed me to be around full time for the first year of my baby's life. That's something that I didn't get the privilege of doing with my older two girls. But as the summer approached I got to thinking how awesome it would be to just be able to stay home with my three girls and take advantage of all that the summer had to offer. How I would love to devote 100% of my attention to my girls and picnic in the park, or go to the lake on those hot days to cool off, or go on those impromptu visits to family and friends. Unfortunately with all the perks that babysitting brought to me one of the downfalls was being confined to my home all day everyday. Not having that flexibility to spend that precious time with my kids was really weighing on my heart. Then it dawned on me....why not take advantage of the summer and spend it with my kids? Well the first scary thought that entered my head was, the money. That extra money I was making each week, could we live without it? Could we cut back in some areas to make this dream a possibility? After a few seconds of contemplation the answer was obvious! YES, it was possible. I would gladly exchange eating out several nights a week for the opportunity to spend the summer with my kids! I would gladly cut back on the frivolous spending to be able to take advantage of this opportunity!

I have faith and peace of mind because I know the good Lord will provide. He always has, and with faith, he always will. We are taking it one day at a time, and not one of those days will go by for granted. This summer is not only for my kids, but it's also an opportunity for me to concentrate on what mother I want to be and what I want my kids to remember. Of course none of this would be possible without the love and support of my husband, Darin. He has been my rock and my biggest supporter over the last year and a half and I thank God everyday for giving me such a great partner in life.

The moral of this blog is that if God has laid a burden on your heart, whatever it may be, don't ignore it! Mine was my children and taking the time out of life to spend quality time with them. What is your burden?